Nelly describes condoms as: While the protective function of condoms was well understood, distinct risks were associated with condom access and use. However, you could argue that it is possible for a man to marry his widow’s sister. Embedded in many of the narratives was a belief that young men are more vulnerable to STIs and HIV than young women. It didn’t take much to change his mind as he was honoured that I had made that choice to keep myself until marriage and felt that this was the least he could do (although he made it clear that it made him feel very awkward). I've graduated from law, become a lawyer and a teacher, but I've never seen my parents, especially my Dad, so proud. My best friends were all from different cultures and had strong beliefs in the ‘try before you buy’ mandate when it came to sex. Inez Manu-Sione is a guest on SBS's Insight program tonight, 8.30pm on SBS ONE, which looks at virginity. The transgressive potential is perhaps best summed up in the opportunity that condoms offer to young people to 'live their own lives'— when living one's own, individualistic, life runs directly counter to the ethos of the Tongan social and cultural world. Concepts of culture, tradition and respect were deeply imbricated within these narratives. How barbaric! Dating: The young man and girl begin dating each other. Sisilia, for example, explained that she would not buy or carry condoms herself because 'if my friends knew about it they would say "You! However the matter and primacy of tradition is not uncontested, and 'the Tongan way' is regularly invoked in contemporary political wrangling over democratic reform and debates around the relative benefits of modernity and participation in a global economy. These young men were most disparaging of aspects of Tongan community life, particularly of the gossip and the 'Tongan telegraph',' a phrase coined by locals in reference to the speed at which news or gossip travels through the community and across land and sea. Many of the young people interviewed scorned what they considered to be unrealistic and anachronistic expectations of young people's behaviour, and most concurred that parents and church authorities 'just don't know what [young people] get up to' (Tony, age 18). One person described condoms as 'essential safety equipment' and another as a 'life preserver.' However these data also reveal that, for young people in Tonga, risk is attached to condom use itself at a number of different levels: risk to their person, from family; risk to personal reputation, from community censure; risk to family reputation; and also a more collectively-borne risk to Tongan tradition and identity. Apparently marrying robots and holograms is a new reality. Condoms are unequivocal markers of sexual activity or intent. This child outranked her mother and became the highest spiritual entity in Tonga, with the title of Tamaha ("Sacred Child"). The topic of virginity and the ceremony I undertook is very sacred and private in Tongan culture -  often only shared with the women in the immediate family. For the young people interviewed in this research, these social risks are specifically framed in terms of the lived realities of being Tongan. 'The Tongan way' is the direct English translation of faka Tonga—a phrase with great power in the Kingdom. Parents' opposition to sexual activity and therefore to condoms was understood as being proper to the parental role as keepers of the Tongan tradition. using this website - Accessibility statement, Anne Summers: ‘Rosie Batty can't do it all by herself’, Here's how to change your bad eating habits, Date puddings with maple syrup and pistachio ice cream. Some invoked the need to be brave. Gossip is inescapable and indeed considered something of a social obligation. Even while endorsing condom use on the grounds of it being 'good for young people' and stating that condoms could save them from 'ruining their lives,' women most strongly eschewed condoms for their own use. The individuals concerned, along with their families, would be shamed and their reputations impugned. While I had grown up knowing and upholding this value all my life, the feeling of having to go through with the ceremony was so nerve racking and invasive: What if I don’t bleed? Interviews took place in March 2008 in and around Nuku'alofa on the island of Tongatapu. Within anthropology, literature, and the visual arts the portrayal of Polynesian and other Oceanic peoples has been highly sexualised. All had refused. Imagine a man marrying a woman, separating from her, and then re-marrying his first wife’s sister. Appreciation of the significance of the repeated invocation of 'the Tongan way, and the consequent instatement of condom use as a more collectively borne risk to Tongan tradition, may benefit from further contextualisation. Condom use is inconsistent with sanctioned relationships and feminine virtue. I remember the day my father raised this issue with me in the lead up to the wedding. We were sitting at the dining table going through wedding plans and he said, “Inez, you know what the cultural tradition is around your wedding night?”  I started crying and told my dad that it was totally barbaric and an invasion of my privacy – a statement which my Tongan father would have perceived as stemming from my western upbringing which endorsed such beliefs as ‘privacy’. They also readily admitted to having had more than one sexual partner. Consequently the reporting here is concerned with illustrating the various ways that the young people cited aspects of Tongan-ness as barriers and disincentives to condom use, and is not an attempt to define Tongan culture. Permission to get married: this is a picture shows that the guy dress in our Tongan tapa clothes and went over to the girl's house to propose from the dad or the uncle of the girl in order for the wedding to be happen. According to some participants, this intention is even less forgivable than an unpremeditated lapse in behaviour or 'foolishness' that a sexual encounter might constitute. Kondo's marriage to Miku may not have any legal standing, but that doesn't bother him. I’d waited 30 years for this and on my wedding night, something which is suppose to be very private between my husband and was going to become a moment of stress and anxiety around one question, “what if I don’t bleed”? The researchers sought and gained ethics approval for this study from the Human Research Ethics Committee of the University of New South Wales and permission from the Tongan Ministry of Health, prior to any data gathering being undertaken. It is important to note however that the analysis, on which this paper is based, is grounded in the participants' own expressions of their experiences and understandings. It's callous to expect people to work their entire lives, ... Do you really want to be the sort of parent who prioritises ... Celebs not giving a damn on the red carpet, Women who challenged their employers, and won, 21 striking displays of feminist art activism, Help The young Tongans in this study expressed predominantly positive attitudes to condoms, however few actually used them consistently, or even sporadically.

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